LITERAL REMAINS

Alice Kingsleigh, not quite at home in her Victorian society, attends a garden party where Hamish, the pale, redheaded, son of Lord Ascot, asks for her hand in marriage.  Hamish, prone to digestion problems, proposes in front of everyone.  The guests look on in anticipation.  Poor Alice excuses herself and runs off, only to follow the White Rabbit down a hole into Wonderland.

I’m not going to go into plot details.  I’m assuming most everyone knows the basics of Lewis Carroll’s nonsensical books Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.  Director Tim Burton does change some things around, and puts Alice on a collision course to kill the Jabberwocky and unseat the evil and vile Red Queen from the throne, helping the White Queen to power once again.  Wonderland, under the Red Queen’s rule, has suffered, and has become a most unwelcome place.

That’s the gist of it.  If you’re looking for charm, there isn’t much to be had.  I found Burton’s take on Aliceto be devoid of charm.  There’s no enchantment.  No wonder to Wonderland.  It ranges from drab to garish.  There are some sparks of amusing dialogue, but most of the jokes fall without a snicker.  I did, however, enjoy the Mad Hatter’s one fudderwack joke; it was the highlight for me.

Alice In Wonderland seems like a train wreck.  Every character felt as if they each came in from a different movie:  Alice, looking so sickly, from a tear-jerking medical drama, yet she becomes Beowulf by the final act; the White Queen from a Wonderland spoof; or maybe the players all walked in from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, I don’t know.  I do know nothing gelled for me in this movie.  And plot wise, was anyone else reminded of Burton’s Planet of the Apes?

It’s sad that all the money it took to make this movie, it feels so lifeless, so ready-made for the big bucks it earned at the box office.  Watching it is like being spoon fed gruel.  I kept trying to remember what The Matrix taught me, “There is no spoon.”  There is an Alice In Wonderland, though, and we’re stuck with it whether we like it or not.

2.5 out of 5
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