LITERAL REMAINS

Ex-convict Arkin works as a handyman wherever he can find a job.  Currently it’s for a somewhat wealthy family renovating their isolated country house.  Working their with the carpenters, exterminators, and other tradesmen, Arkin gets to know the family, and some things about the family.  Their youngest daughter, Hannah, reminds him of his own little girl; their oldest daughter, Jill, well, she just flaunts her stuff all in his face.  Mom and dad (Victoria and Michael, respectively), they just argue with their Jailbait Jill.

Arkin seems to daydream a lot while working, staring off at nothing, sometimes at spiders, sometimes at hornets.  Maybe he’s just thinking of seeing his wife, Lisa, and his daughter, Cindy.  Or maybe he just dreams of a life that doesn’t so much resemble hell, who knows.  Things with his wife aren’t that great.  When he meets Lisa at her bowling alley job, she is planning to run off with their daughter because she owes money to a loan shark.  And, hold on, they don’t have all the money.  Luckily, ex-convict Arkin was a safe cracker, and his crime boss is willing to pay big bucks for the jewels housed, oddly enough, in Victoria and Michael’s wall safe.  Lucky for Arkin that Victoria and Michael are going out of town with the kids.

All’s well that ends well.

Except things don’t go so smoothly for Arkin when he returns to the country house to steal the jewels.  The Collector has taken the family hostage, torturing them in the basement and setting deadly traps throughout the house.  So Arkin becomes trapped in the house with a serial killer.  Two floors, a basement, a laundry chute, doors everywhere, and an attack dog chained in the front yard-  it’s going to be a hell of a jewel heist.

The Collector is an okay movie, but somewhere within it lies a better movie waiting to be made, waiting to break free, waiting to slice and dice and…collect.  Not everything makes sense here.  And I still think I may have missed something, somewhere, but I don’t think I did.  But, even with the best of movies, you can’t apply logic, and sadly, with a lot of modern horror movies, the further from logic you stay, the better.

This movie is well made, but well made can’t smooth over its shortcomings.  At 88 minutes, it crawls at times, but that’s due to some repetitiveness-  there is only so much that can be done with running up and down the same damn stairs, and going in and out of the same damn rooms.  As far as torture porn goes, you could do worse.  Those torture scenes are another problem, though:  They get old.  I don’t know about any of you, but torture shouldn’t be padding to extend the movie’s running time.  Give me story.  The actors in The Collector are good, they could have carried a story instead of scenes of screaming, crying, and wincing in pain.

3 out of 5
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Legend of the Jade Dragonis the second book in Yasmine Galenorn’s Chintz ‘n China series, and, believe it or not, it’s actually better than the first.

Emerald O’Brien is having an ordinary, run-of-the-mill day at her business, the Chintz ‘n China Tea Room.  Ordinary, that is, until a man named Daniel enters the shop.  Daniel looks a little more than beaten down by life, and he looks nothing like the usual tourist to the small town of Chiqetaw.  He has come to Emerald to spend his last few bucks for tarot reading.  Emerald gets her cards, but sees nothing good.  It’s all death, chaos, and bad, bad, BAD!

Emerald is reluctant to tell Daniel what she sees, but he insists.  Daniel is used to bad news, and bad luck.  When she finishes, he pays and leaves the shop, but he forgets a small token:  a statuette, a jade dragon.  Emerald rushes from the store to catch up to Daniel, to return his statuette.  Calling after him, Daniel stops and is promptly run down by a van, killing him.

Emerald is now the owner of the jade dragon.  She takes it home and strange things begin to occur.  The statue seems to move of its own accord, and its eyes have a tendency to glow red.  Red glowing eyes seem to never be a good sign.  The dragon brings bad luck:  Emerald’s house is burglarized, her shop is vandalized, and its power even affects her kids, Miranda and Kip.  Emerald researches the jade dragon and learns it has a turbulent history.  A very bloody and turbulent history, full of death and destruction.  And now it’s all Emerald’s.

With Emerald O’Brien there is never a dull moment; if she’s not knee deep in something, her kids are finding mischief (sometimes by complete accident).  Galenorn writes in a style that makes me feel like I’ve stopped in to visit an old friend.  She even made me care about Daniel, and he is barely in the book.

That’s just good writing.

4.5 out of 5
Chatty Kathy

Shutter Island, as directed by Martin Scorsese, is a faithful adaption of Dennis Lehane’s novel.  That’s one problem, right there, with the movie:  Too faithful.

Federal Marshal Edward “Teddy” Daniels and his new partner, Chuck Aule, are sent to Shutter Island, to an institute for the criminally insane.  The ferry emerges from the fog ominously, maybe even pretentiously.  There is a storm coming, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard rain a-gonna fall.  Their business at the crazy house is to investigate the disappearance of one of the patients, Rachel Solando.  She, somehow, disappeared from a locked room.  It’s as if she just vanished through the walls.

As the marshals arrive, the guards are on edge, as is everyone else, and are preparing for the storm.  Plus, you know, there’s a crazy woman running free somewhere on the island.  She’s very violent, very dangerous, very delusional, very nutso.  I may have dated her once or twice.  Right away the doctors at the facility offer to help anyway they can, but refuse requests to let the marshals see patient and personnel files.  The nurses and orderlies seem a little skittish.  Something just ain’t right on Shutter Island.

And something just ain’t right with Ted Daniels.  He is haunted by flashbacks of WWII, and is tormented by dreams of his dead wife, Dolores, who died in an apartment fire set by one of the patients at Shutter Island.  Hmmm, just what exactly is Teddy up to?  Not revenge really, not in the normal sense; he wants to expose Shutter Island as a barbaric place that experiments on its patients.

CUT TO DREAM SEQUENCE- TEDDY’S WIFE, DRIPPING WET WITH WATER  Ahhh!  Dammit!

Remaining faithful to the source novel means Teddy has a lot of flashbacks.  A lot.  They took me out of the movie just as something interesting seemed to be happening, or was about to happen.  A lot of times I was wishing something would happen.  A good portion of Shutter Island  is boring.  What worked so well in the book doesn’t work so well as a movie.  A nip here, a tuck there, and this could have a been a tense, claustrophobic film, but they left it all in and the suspense fizzles.

3 out of 5
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I like pulp.  Old pulp stories, the classics from those wonderful magazines of yesteryear.  We don’t really have any publications today to match those golden greats, no Amazing Stories, Adventure, Black Mask, The Shadow, The Spider, or Horror Stories.  Street & Smith, I miss you, though I never knew you.  Maybe I was born at the wrong time, I don’t know.

Jack Williamson’s Darker Than You Think is a book I’ve wanted to read for a very long time, I just had never gotten around to picking up a copy.  I finally did get a copy, and I can only imagine the wonder and terror Williamson inspired in readers back in the 1940’s when his classic tale first saw the light of day in the pulp magazine Unknown.  As with a lot of classics, its power to scare may have diminished, but it’s still a Grade A flight of fantasy; one which several franchises, such as Underworld and Twilight, owe a debt of thanks.

Reporter Will Barbee is at the airport to cover the return of aged scientist Dr. Mondrick and his expedition from the Gobi Desert.  Mondrick and his team of trusted men have uncovered something of vital importance, something dark and sinister.  While waiting for Mindrick’s plane to land, Will meets the luscious and mysterious April Bell.  She is a new reporter for a rival paper, and though Barbee senses something dangerous about the woman, he can’t deny his attraction to her.  Those family members awaiting the plane’s arrival, such as the blind Rowena Mondrick (the old doc’s wife), don’t care for April.  They feel something not right about the young lady.

After Dr. Mondrick’s plane lands and he begins his speech, just before he unveils his findings, Dr. Mondrick falls dead.  Was it his age?  His bad heart?  Or was it murder, as Rowena instantly believes?

With the disastrous Mondrick event behind him, Barbee agrees to meet April for drinks that night.  Over a few drinks (something the alcoholic Barbee is used to), April tells him the story of her life so far.  Including the part about her being a witch.  She seems to have always had a power to make things come true with her mind, like people falling ill, getting hurt, or dying.  Like old Dr. Mondrick.

Barbee doesn’t believe it, really, and despite the fact that April seems a little off and everyone warns him to stay away from her, he is infatuated with her.  And when he begins dreaming of becoming different animals and running free through the night, that seems a bit strange to him.  When he dreams of his former college friends, Mondricks fellow researchers, being murder, he finds it unsettling.  When he learns they are really being murdered, he is terrified, and believes himself to be going insane.

Darker Than You Thinkis a fun story, with shades of noir and an earnestness that is missing from practically everything on the shelves today.  It’s earnest, but not hammy.  Well, not too hammy.  You have to take into consideration it was written in the 1940’s, and that’s part of it’s charm.  It’s like a slice of horror/fantasy history.

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A Note From the_novacula-  Last year I read the book A Harvest of Bones by Yasmine Galenorn, part of her Chintz ‘n China series.  I didn’t care too much for it.  Here’s my review of it.  Well, Chatty Kathy read it, and she liked it.  She liked it so much, she read the entire series.  This is her review of the first book; expect reviews of the others to follow shortly.  A big, sweet, thank you to her for contributing to Literal Remains.

Divorced mother of two, Emerald O’Brien, moves to the small town of Chiqetaw and opens her own business, The Chintz ‘n China Tea Room- a nice place to have a cup a tea and buy some incense or an odd trinket or two.  Emerald’s ex-husband, Roy, is pretty much out of the picture, which is very okay with her.  Emerald has a good thing going in Chiqetaw, making a nice life with her astronomy loving daughter, Miranda, and her youngest child, Kip, who is an all around boy (trouble seems to find him).

Emerald, herself, is considered the witch of the village.  She has “the gift”, something she shared with her late grandmother, whom she called Nanna, and with whom she still talks to, occasionally.  That special “gift” aids Emerald well, especially when ghosts come a-calling.  Such as the ghost of local socialite Susan Mitchell.  Susan’s ghostly form appears to Emerald seeking help; Susan claims she was murdered, and names her husband, Walter Mitchell, as the fiend that killed her.  So Emerald sets out to discover the truth of Susan’s mysterious demise.  Complicating matters for Emerald is that Susan may be less than truthful, and more a vindictive spirit.

Yasmine Galenorn kept me glued to the pages with Ghost of a Chance.  Its twists and turns had me hurrying through my daily rounds and staying up way past my bedtime just so I could follow Emerald’s investigation.  This is a suspenseful little tale.  I only wish it had been longer.  The characters are believable, they feel real, and have real problems (other than of the supernatural variety).  Yasmine Galenorn has created a wonderful heroine in Emerald O’Brien, a natural woman complete with romantic strife and trouble with her kids.

Ghost of a Chance is a delightful start to a delicious series.

4 out of 5
Chatty Kathy

High school is hell.  At least for Rickie and J.T.  Rickie is in love, or at least consumed with infatuation, for Joann, a girl he has had a crush on since elementary school.  But Joann barely knows Rickie exists, but she does notice him staring at her an awful lot.  So does her buff boyfriend, Johnny.  And J.T., well, he’s the slacker, white trash, trailer park, no expectations in life, kind of teen.  It’s the kind of high school society that most everyone will remember in some form or another.

Rickie and J.T., all hopeless and alienated and brooding as teens must be in the movies, ditch school one day, because, you know, what else is there to do?  They eventually find themselves at an abandoned hospital, the meeting place for the local misfits to hang out.  The only problem with the abandoned facility is a wild dog that roams the place wanting to take a bite, not only out of crime, but any one’s ass who dares to trespass.  The wild black dog gives chase, and Rickie and J.T. run for their lives only to find themselves lost in the old hospital.

It’s while trying to navigate the dark corridors, looking for a way out, or at least some part of the building that’s familiar, they find a hidden door.  Inside the newly discovered room they find a woman, naked, chained to a table, and draped in plastic.  Sounds promising so far, right?  She is still alive, seemingly.  They don’t know how long she has been there, who she is, or where she came from.  The woman can’t tell them because she doesn’t talk.  She was apparently left behind when the hospital closed.  The woman is a zombie, of some kind.  J.T. tries to kill her three different times.  Rickie wants to notify the authorities, or somebody at least.  J.T. wants to keep her.

Since J.T. is the unofficial leader, they keep Deadgirl (as they come to call her) a secret.  And J.T. takes her as a sex slave, keeping her bound and gagged because Deadgirl has some really violent tendencies.  Rickie is appalled at this, especially when J.T. invites their doofus friend Wheeler to partake of the living dead poontang.  More people find out, such as Johnny, and Deadgirl carries something transmittable and a little more serious than the worse case of the clap.

Deadgirl isn’t for everyone.  It has a couple of painful and gross out moments, other the guys have sex with a zombie.  There is a message here of women as objects, but it’s lost in the movie’s own raging, horny, teen hormones .  It’s better than you might think, but it’s far from a classic.  Surprisingly, though, considering the subject matter, it is handled with some restraint.  Kudos to the filmmakers for that, and for trying something different; too bad it resulted in a movie that is still fairly middle of the road.

3 out of 5
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Let me make a couple recommendations.  Three, to be precise.

Just a few days ago I stretched out and watched my DVD of The Wolfman.  The unrated director’s cut of the film, yo yo yo.  If you will allow me, don’t watch the director’s cut.  I was hoping, as in some cases (e.g. Rob Zombie’s Halloween slashers), the director’s cut would improve upon the theatrical version.  Not so.  Sometimes, cuts are made wisely.  Now, the theatrical version isn’t perfect, but it is one of the more entertaining movies I’ve seen this year.  Feel free to read my review of it here.

The most noticeable change in the director’s cut is the beginning of the movie, in the summoning of Lawrence Talbot home after his brother’s disappearance.  Gwen, his brother’s betrothed, visits him in London at the theater.  We then see Larry on the train, where he meets a nice old man (Max Von Sydow), who gives Larry his cane.  As much as I like MVS, this director’s cut lurches.  The added scenes bog down the movie.  Stick with the theatrical version.

Now, suggestion the second:  Read the novelization.  The Wolfman was novelized by Jonathan Maberry, author of the Pine Deep Trilogy (Ghost Road Blues, Dead Man’s Song, Bad Moon Rising) and Patient Zero.  Maberry brings his A game to the novel, and creates a rich, rollicking story.  He expands the movie and writes one of the best werewolf novels available, and considering the lack of great werewolf novels, it’s a blessing.  Buy it.  Read it.  Treasure it.

Suggestion, part the third:  For crying out loud, get your sticky fingers on Danny Elfman’s score of the movie.  It practically makes the film.  It ties the room together nicely.  Ha ha.  It’s a Big Lebowski joke…never mind.  I’ve listened to this little movie souvenir ever since it came out, and I think I’ve just about driven Chatty Kathy mad with it.  But that’s okay, because she just bought the Eclipse soundtrack, and I’ll be going mad here pretty soon myself.

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Alice Kingsleigh, not quite at home in her Victorian society, attends a garden party where Hamish, the pale, redheaded, son of Lord Ascot, asks for her hand in marriage.  Hamish, prone to digestion problems, proposes in front of everyone.  The guests look on in anticipation.  Poor Alice excuses herself and runs off, only to follow the White Rabbit down a hole into Wonderland.

I’m not going to go into plot details.  I’m assuming most everyone knows the basics of Lewis Carroll’s nonsensical books Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.  Director Tim Burton does change some things around, and puts Alice on a collision course to kill the Jabberwocky and unseat the evil and vile Red Queen from the throne, helping the White Queen to power once again.  Wonderland, under the Red Queen’s rule, has suffered, and has become a most unwelcome place.

That’s the gist of it.  If you’re looking for charm, there isn’t much to be had.  I found Burton’s take on Aliceto be devoid of charm.  There’s no enchantment.  No wonder to Wonderland.  It ranges from drab to garish.  There are some sparks of amusing dialogue, but most of the jokes fall without a snicker.  I did, however, enjoy the Mad Hatter’s one fudderwack joke; it was the highlight for me.

Alice In Wonderland seems like a train wreck.  Every character felt as if they each came in from a different movie:  Alice, looking so sickly, from a tear-jerking medical drama, yet she becomes Beowulf by the final act; the White Queen from a Wonderland spoof; or maybe the players all walked in from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, I don’t know.  I do know nothing gelled for me in this movie.  And plot wise, was anyone else reminded of Burton’s Planet of the Apes?

It’s sad that all the money it took to make this movie, it feels so lifeless, so ready-made for the big bucks it earned at the box office.  Watching it is like being spoon fed gruel.  I kept trying to remember what The Matrix taught me, “There is no spoon.”  There is an Alice In Wonderland, though, and we’re stuck with it whether we like it or not.

2.5 out of 5
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In the world of Larry Correia’s Monster Hunter International, monsters are real.  Just as real as you, me, and the monsters in all the other stories and movies about monsters and the dedicated men and women who devote their lives to hunting them so that you and I don’t have to.  It’s better to fight them over there than to fight them over here.  NO BLOOD FOR OIL!!!

Sorry, I got carried away.

The secret government agency that hunts all the (monstrous) nasties of the world approach Owen Pitt with a job offer while he recuperates in the hospital.  Owen got into a fight with his boss and pushed him out the window.  The reason Owen pushed his boss out the window is because his boss was more than just a dick head (as lots of bosses are), Owen’s boss was a werewolf and wanted to have Owen for dinner.  That didn’t sit well with Owen, and after a fight for his life in which Owen tried popping several caps in his boss’s hairy werewolf ass, one thing led to another and out the window the boss went.

The official monster hunters liked Owen’s initiative, such as bringing a gun to the office, and they think he will make an excellent addition to the team.  There is never really any doubt what decision Owen makes.

Monster Hunter International comes highly recommended from several friends.  It has garnered some rave reviews from fans and critics.  All in all, everybody seems to like MHI.  Maybe I just don’t get it.

This book was a struggle for me; it went on and on, for too long.  At almost 800 pages, it wore out its pulp/B-movie sensibilities, and its welcome.  Before the half way point, I was tired and was verging on bored.  It’s a mixed bag.  At least I think so.  I was amused by some of it.  But I was glad to end it.  MHI is a long strange trip, but it’s not one I would care to take a second time.

3.5 out of 5
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Alice in Wonderland
Tumble down the rabbit hole with Alice for a fantastical new adventure from Walt Disney Pictures and Tim Burton. Inviting and magical, Alice In Wonderland is an imaginative new twist on one of the most beloved stories of all time. Alice (Mia Wasikowska), now 19 years old, returns to the whimsical world she first entered as a child and embarks on a journey to discover her true destiny. This Wonderland is a world beyond your imagination and unlike anything you’ve seen before. The extraordinary characters you’ve loved come to life richer and more colorful than ever. There’s the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp), the White Queen (Anne Hathaway), the Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter), the White Rabbit (Michael Sheen) and more. A triumphant cinematic experience – Alice In Wonderland is an incredible feast for your eyes, ears and heart that will captivate audiences of all sizes.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Vol. 7
Aqua Teen Hunger Force returns to the air for its 7th season on Adult Swim. Fans of the surreal animated comedy series will find Frylock, Meatwad, and Master Shake are still grappling with the bizarre and absurd down by the Jersey Shore.  Episodes include Creature from Plaque Lagoon, Time Machine, 2-and-a-half Star Wars Out of 5, Fry Legs, Der Inflatable Fuhrer, The Last Last One Forever and Ever, Rubberman, Multiple Meats, Monster, Rabbot Redux, and Eggball.

Burn Notice: Season Three

Michael Westen is back in business and dressed to kill. But, in spite of his good intentions, Michael has a hard-nosed, sexy female cop on his case, leaving sidekick Sam and femme fatale Fiona to watch his back. With friends life these, Michael finds himself in hot water in this sweltering Season Three of Burn Notice.

Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill!
From Chad Ferrin, the acclaimed director of the cult hit Someone’s Knocking At The Door, comes this twisted and frieghtening low-budget shocker, a stylish and totally original confection where gore, violence, suspense and humor all intersect for a creepy and shocking good time. It’s Easter, sixteen-year-old Nicholas’ favorite holiday. When the mentally and physically disabled youth’s mother, Mindy, begins a relationship with a psycho killer, bizarre events begin to unfold – especially after Nicholas takes a seemingly normal rabbit into the house. But when home intruders, prostitues and street trash are murdered in bizarre gruesome ways, just who is the bunny-masked killer committing these horrendous crimes?

The Wolfman
Academy Award winners Anthony Hopkins (The Silence of the Lambs) and Benicio Del Toro (Traffic) tear up the screen in this action-packed thriller. Lawrence Talbot (Del Toro) is lured back to his family estate to investigate the savage murder of his brother by a bloodthirsty beast. There, Talbot must confront his childhood demons, his estranged father (Hopkins), his brother’s grieving fiancée (Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada) and a suspicious Scotland Yard Inspector (Hugo Weaving, The Matrix Trilogy). When Talbot is bitten by the creature, he becomes eternally cursed and soon discovers a fate far worse than death. Inspired by the classic Universal film that launched a legacy of horror, The Wolfman brings the myth of a cursed man back to its iconic origins.

Take a note, I love zombies.  I love zombie movies, I love zombie literature.  There is something about these apocalyptic tales that grab me.  I love it when the dead come back for no known reason.  I love it when there is a reason, be it a virus, magic, or some demon affiliation.  These zombie vehicles don’t have to make sense for me to enjoy them, they don’t have to be too terribly logical, and if they have no social commentary, that’s fine with me as well.  I’m all for fun.  I’ll only ask that these living dead movies and stories be entertaining.

The very first “diary entry” of The Zombie Diaries, entitled “Outbreak”, had me pumped up and primed.  It actually had me on the edge of my seat, biting my fingernails.  Then it went into the second entry, “Scavengers”, and it was downhill from there.  No tension.  No scary.  No overall good to recommend it.  It was released by Dimension Extreme, and somewhere along the way they also forgot to include the “extreme”.

A virus has spread across Asia, and the good people of good ol’ London, England, think they are safe until New York reports an outbreak of the flu-like virus.  It’s then they know this virus is global, and soon there are confirmed cases in England.  It’s not long before London is under quarantine, and a lot of the small, bucolic, villages are ghost towns.  At least that’s what confronts a documentary crew as they travel for an interview.  Cell phones stop working, and the power is out, and they find themselves trapped in a farmhouse.  Then they discover the farmhouse they thought empty, ain’t so empty.  Plus there are some zombies flocking the fields.  There are two other groups of survivors, each trying to survive the downfall of civilization by scavenging and shooting anything that shambles and shuffles.  By the end of the movie, the three groups’ stories interconnect.  By then, I didn’t care.

That first group, the documentary team, their story felt right.  I wanted to follow that group.  Each group has a video camera to record events, and in this YouTube society of ours it’s not hard to imagine a flood of zombie clips hitting the ‘net if the living dead guts were to ever really hit the fan.  But in this movie it just seems stupid.  To borrow a quick line from Monty Python:  “Silly.”  The acting from the majority of the cast is atrocious, and after a killer opening the rest of the movie is flat and uninspired.  The attempts are made to be shocking, but they go nowhere.  Some (turgid) torture, some allusions to necrophilia.  If you’re a Brian Keene fan, you’ve been there, you’ve done that, and you’ve had a much better time.

On the plus side, other than those first few minutes, the box art for the DVD is nice. Actually it looks like it came from a different movie. Quite possibly a good one. I wish I had seen that one.

1.5 out of 5
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Babysitter Wanted
Angie applies for a babysitting job and finds herself on a remote farm before the Stanton family and their little boy, Sam. But Angie’s first night of work might just be her last when she must fight for her life to protect herself and the child. But is everything as it seems? Babysitter Wanted turns the classic “babysitter in peril” horror story absolutely on its head. Suspenseful, funny, gory and defying expectations every step of the way, this is one of the most enjoyable and critically acclaimed rollercoaster rides in recent horror cinema history.

City of the Living Dead (Special Edition)
The Seven Gates Of Hell have been torn open, and in three days the dead shall rise and walk the earth. As a reporter (Christopher George of Pieces) and a psychic (Catriona MacColl of The Beyond) race to close the portals of the damned, they encounter a seething nightmare of unspeakable evil. The city is alive – with the horrors of the living dead! Directed and co-written by the legendary Lucio Fulci (Zombie, The Beyond), City Of The Living Dead features some of the maestro’s most shocking and controversial sequences of all time. This is the definitive version of Fulci’s hallucinogenic masterpiece of horror: uncut, uncensored and presented in all its brain-ripping, gut-spewing, head-drilling glory!

Finale
Death is stalking a small town plagued with a rash of apparent suicides. But one grieving mother believes that there are darker forces at work and plunges herself into a supernatural nightmare to uncover her dead son’s association with an evil cult. Her behavior grows increasingly paranoid and bizarre as she races against time to battle the terrifying demon unleashed to destroy her entire family in this atmospheric descent into horror.

Hard Ride To Hell
A lonely stretch of Texas desert highway leads a group of campers on a one-way ride to hell after witnessing an obscene blood sacrifice. Now, with a group of biking devil worshipers on their tail, they are pawns in an ancient battle between good and evil. Pursued to a decrepit old church in a ghost town, the campers fall victim to a new hell a strange young boy harboring a terrifying secret and a priest with a terrifyingly divine mission of his own.

The Road
From Cormac McCarthy, author of No Country For Old Men, comes the highly anticipated big screen adaptation of the beloved, best-selling and Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, The Road. An all-star cast are featured in this epic post-apocalyptic tale of the survival of a father and his young son as they journey across a barren America that was destroyed by a mysterious cataclysm. A masterpiece adventure, The Road boldly imagines a future in which men are pushed to the worst and the best that they are capable of – a future in which a father and his son are sustained by love.

Tell Tale
Ridley Scott (Hannibal) and Tony Scott (The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3) bring you Tell Tale, a chilling re-imagining of Edgar Allen Poe’s Timeless story “The Tell-Tale Heart.” Hardworking single dad Terry (Josh Lucas) has a new lease on life: he has recovered from a recent heart transplant and met a beautiful woman. But things begin to go awry as Terry becomes haunted by his own heartbeat and realizes that he must delve into the shocking death of the donor who saved his life. Desperate to protect those closest to him – and his own sanity – Terry listens to the warnings coming from within and embarks on a gripping quest to learn the secrets of the dead.

True Blood: The Complete Second Season
Welcome back to Bon Temps, home to mystery, Southern sensuality and dark secrets. For Sookie Stackhouse, life is more dangerous than ever after she and Bill become more deeply involved. Meanwhile, Tara finds herself in love and under a spell; Sam puts his trust in an unlikely ally; Jason becomes involved with an anti-vampire sect; Eric recruits Sookie to investigate the disappearance of a 2,000 year old vampire; and Maryann is revealed to possess a power that can control almost everyone in town. Then, after making a shocking discovery, Sookie, Bill and Sam must form the last line of defense against a diabolical plan that raises this award-winning series to bloody new heights.

It’s that time of year again…SUMMER VACATION!  Yes, school is out, for most everyone, and the kidos don’t go back until the Fall.  Is this the most dreaded time of year for a parent?  Is dreaded because of the hassle of finding childcare, of trying to occupy the children’s time, or because, you know, the kids are at home?  Something a friend of mine once told me just popped into my head; Big Sister Kimmie once offered up, “As long as you have kids, you’ll never be alone.”  She wasn’t smiling when she said it.

I have plenty of friends with children.  Over the years my friends have had varying reactions to summer vacation.  Some looked forward to the kids being out of school, some fretted because they had to find babysitters, some hated summer break because their children were evil little hellspawns and couldn’t trust them by themselves or with babysitters.  Nearly all of them, though, were excited for the first few weeks school was over.  Okay, most were thrilled for at least a couple of days.  I’ll be honest though, when the kids head back to school, almost every parent I know is so excited they could just fart.

If you will indulge me, I’d like to take a little time-out and saunter down memory lane.  I can remember my summer vacations very well.  Most of them anyway.  As a grown up, much as I did as a kid, I can find mystery and horror practically anywhere I go.  As a kid, though, I often acted them, playing as kids do.  I grew up in the country, right next door to my grandparents.  I was a major fan of the Lone Ranger, Indiana Jones, and James Bond, not to mention G.I. Joe, He-Man, Voltron, Tranzor Z, and Robotech.  My grandfather let me have his bullwhips, and I was running from cannibals and headhunters in no time.  I roamed the plains of the Old West, the deserts of Africa, alien planets, and often went behind the Iron Curtain on top secret missions for Her Majesty the Queen.  I made quick getaways in clunky jeeps, space ships, and attacked enemy camps in their freakin’ tanks.  All of this was done with just a bicycle, of course, but it was a trusty bicycle; it got me from planet to planet, across oceans, and over mountains, so I can’t complain.  I’m sure if I rode one today, I wouldn’t be able to walk or sit, but that’s neither here nor there.  There was always adventure around the corner, and there was forever something lurking in the woods.

One of my favorite things about the summers was staying up late.  There was no school, so there was no real bedtime.  Cha-ching!  All the best horror movies came on after the ten o’clock hour, on the syndicated channels, normally right after The Andy Griffith Show.  If there was nothing interesting showing, me and my brother would pop a tape into the VCR.  The weekends were extra sweet because most of the time our mother wouldn’t let us rent movies from the video store until Friday; Video Corner had this deal, see, four movies for the weekend for an extra low price of like ten dollars or something.  How awesomely sweet was that?  Very awesomely sweet.  And on those days when it was just unbearably hot, or the skies turned dark and the rain fell, there was oh so much comfort to be had in watching Friday the 13th and Aliens, or, really, anything with copious amounts of bloodshed and gore.

That’s what Summer has always been to me, a time to explore and slay dragons and drag unimaginable creatures from their dens kicking and screaming into the bright sunshine.  To kill Bigfoot before he steals my grandmother’s chickens.  That Sasquatch didn’t get his last meal.  Thinking back over the years, I can only hope I instilled some of that “backyard mystery” and sense of wonder of the unknown in my niece and nephews.  Seeing them now, all of them practically grown, I like to think I recognize it in them.  I believe that if you can hold on to those playground mythologies and neighborhood legends, not only will you always be a kid at heart, but school’s out forever.

the_novacula

One unassuming, ordinary, morning, the people of Walden, Virginia wake up and discover their town has been plunged into darkness.  The electricity is down, cell phones have no signals, and the televisions and radios have no reception, only dead air.  And as dark as the town is, it is nothing compared to the absolute black that surrounds the town.  Trying to avoid panic, the fire chief sends a crew to visit the next town since all communications are out.  The men drive into the darkness beyond the town limits, and all that is heard from them again are their screams.  All who enter the darkness never leave it.

Robbie Higgins and his girlfriend, Christy, along with their neighbor Russ, investigate the darkness on the edge of town, wanting to see it for themselves.  What they learn is that the darkness is alive, it shows you visions of your desires (dearly departed relatives, lost lovers) to entrap you, to draw you into it.  But the darkness doesn’t stop there, it fills your head with thoughts, murderous thoughts, violent means.  Though Robbie and his friends try to resist, resistance isn’t always that easy.  It’s not long before the entire town is thrust into anarchy, and it’s a powder keg of hatred and violence ready to explode.

Finally, finally, Brian Keene seems to be getting back on track.  Darkness On the Edge of Town could be considered Keene-lite.  But that’s okay, it works for him.  With books like Dark Hollow, Castaways, and Urban Gothic, it felt as if Keene were trying to be provocative for the sake of being provocative, and what social commentary was in those books (mainly Urban Gothic) really felt forced.  With Darkness…., it’s all a lot smoother and never brings the story to a halt.  It’s hard to imagine Brian Keene applying any kind of restraint to his work, but that’s the name of the game here, and it helps the book.  I could almost feel Keene wanting to break loose in certain parts, and it’s that feeling that lends a certain dread to the story.  You never know when all hell is going to come busting through the door to get medieval on your ass.

No one can write an apocolyptic, or even a post-apocolyptic, tale like Brian Keene.  This little treasure may not measure up to the likes of The Rising or City of the Dead, but it’s his best book since those two masterpieces.

4 out of 5
the_novacula

Sometimes you see something you want to share with the rest of the world.  This is one of those things.  Take a laugh break, it’ll do you good.