LITERAL REMAINS

It seems a little odd that the tale of a murderous barber who uses his victims’ remains to make meat pies would be the ideal subject matter for a Broadway musical.  But Stephen Sondheim thought so, and it only seems natural that Tim Burton would come along almost three decades later and do the film version.

I like Tim Burton’s works, even the failures, or perceived failures.  Sleepy Hollow is one of my all time favorite films, and I like his remake of Planet of the Apes better than the original.  Go ahead, call me blasphemous, call me not-right-in-the-head, but it’s true and I stand by my statements (I thought the original Planet was boring).  For some reason, I had never seen Sweeney Todd:  Demon Barber of Fleet Street; not that I don’t like musicals, I do–I’m a healthy heterosexual man who likes Seven Brides For Seven Brothers–but I guess I just had not gotten around to seeing Sweeney.

All that was rectified New Year’s Day.  I watched Sweeney Todd, and though it isn’t Seven Brides, it is my kind of musical.  Johnny Depp is perfectly crazed as the mad barber out for revenge on the man who stole his family, ruined his life, and had him falsely imprisoned.  The movie has a wicked sense of humor– a mad, pitch black, sense of humor.  It’s a great juxtaposition, heartfelt songs played against jets of blood firing off like broken water hydrants from the jugular.

Sweeney Todd has a little something for most everyone.  The ladies can dig on the bittersweet tale, while those manly men who cringe at the thought of a musical can at least see some wicked blood splatter.  Fans of film, you’ll just be in heaven nonetheless.

I wish I had seen this one sooner.  Love, romance, comedy, revenge, murder, cannibalism, tragedy…there is not much else you ask for from a musical, or a good movie.

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Yes, I know, everybody and their granny makes out a list of the best and worst movies and books and such and such of the year.  It’s a bandwagon, jump on.  Here are my picks of my favorites, and most loathed, from 2009.  Are they the best?  Maybe, maybe not.  Are they the worst?  See the answer to the previous question.  They are the highs (and lows) of what I’ve seen and read, though.  Groovy, baby.  Note:  Clicking on the name leads to my original review.

Books
When it comes to literature, it has not been a banner year for me.  My list of favorite books is rather short, especially when compared to the movie list.  I read approximately forty books this past year, and their were not a lot that stood out from the pack.  Now, I have not read every new book that hit the shelves, and a lot of what I read is from previous years.  I try to keep up, but I am a one man work crew.

The Highs:
Drood by Dan Simmons
Child 44 by Tom Rob Smith
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
Audrey’s Door by Sarah Langan
Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane

Honorable Mention:  The Strain by Guillermo Del Toro and Chuck Hogan, Perfect Circle by Carlos J. Cortes, Afraid by Jack Kilborn, Elsewhere by William Peter Blatty, Speaks the Nightbird by Robert McCammon

The Lows:  The Loch by Steve Alten, The Golem by Edward Lee

Movies
I have seen some really killer movies this year.  Making the short list was very difficult; it was hard narrowing the list.  Note:  I have no review for Watchmen: Director’s Cut, just the theatrical review.  I like the Director’s Cut better.

The Highs:
The Midnight Meat Train
Let the Right One In
Quarantine
The Hangover
Splinter

Honorable Mention:  Watchmen: Director’s Cut, Taken, Midnight Movie, The Burrowers, Trick ‘r Treat

The Lows:  Blindness, Shudder, Laid To Rest, Scarce, 12 Rounds, Dead Wood

Biggest Disappointment:  Halloween II

Biggest Surprise:  Twilight: New Moon (I thought it was not too bad)

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I posted this very brief missive called “Every Day I Break Her Heart”.  To summarize it:  a man can’t get over the death of his wife.  Read it and discuss, y’all.

J.
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It’s been a hell of a year.  I guess that can be said about most years, though.  But in 2009 we lost Farrah Fawcett, David Carradine, James “The Rev” Sullivan, Dan O’Bannon, Gene Barry, Mary Travers, Patrick Swayze, Ted Kennedy, Les Paul, John Hughes, Karl Malden, Ed McMahon, Dom DeLuise, Bea Arthur, Horton Foote, James Whitmore, John Updike, and Pat Hingle.  Plus many, many, more.  I just wanted to take the time to mention some of the artists who passed away that have inspired me and whose talents I admired.

I don’t really know what I’m going to write here, I may just ramble.  It’s a blog, I can do that, I guess.  My year has been pretty good.  It started normal enough, and has had some lows, but ends with a high note.

This past year, KatieBella and I started this little blog, and it’s been fun.  You may have noticed I have not exactly been popping up with any frequency lately.  My apologies for that.  Like I said, 2009 has had some lows, a couple of bumpy spots.  But anyway, Literal Remains has been one of the high marks.  I like it here, and I hope in the next week or so I’ll get my butt in gear and get back on track with posting more original articles, reviews, and stories.

Two of the things I’m most proud of from 2009 are the two interviews I was priviledged to conduct.  Lloyd Kaufman and Brian Moreland were very generous to grant the interviews, and they will be cherished, fond, memories of mine for years to come.

I enjoy the work I do here, reviewing the books and movies and sharing my own fiction and poetry with you.  KatieBella and I are looking forward to 2010; we are still trying to find our footing, but we hope to stick around for a good while.

I want to close with this, a thank you to everyone who takes the time to stop by and give us a look.  We want to be your all night diner, a place to kick back, stay awhile, and escape the ordinary world.  I also want to thank all my friends and family, KatieBella and all the gang, glad to have you here.  And to Chatty Kathy (the high note), you are the bee’s knees, baby.

Happy New Year–Here’s to the new decade.

You’ll never make a saint of me.

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My problems with the movie versions of Dan Brown’s bestsellers are the same problems I have with the books themselves.  They tend to get bogged down in all the story, and the trivia is better than the plot.  I must admit, though, that I enjoy the movies more so than the novels.  It took me quite awhile to read the book Angels & Demons because I refused to skip the more boring parts.  The movie condenses the book and is quite good.  Of course, like the book, if you don’t think too much about it, then you too will probably find yourself having an enjoyable, escapist, good time.

Tom Hanks returns as symbologist Robert Langdon, and in his second outing, his hair is not so distracting.  The Pope has died, and it surfaces that he was murdered by Catholicism’s ages old enemy the Illuminati.  Langdon is summoned by the Vatican to not only help find the murderer, but to help find the four preferiti (the ones highly favored to be elected as the next Pope).  There has also been a canister of antimatter stolen from the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland that the Illuminati has hidden in Vatican City.  The Illuminati threaten to kill one of the preferiti every hour until midnight when the battery on the antimatter canister will die, causing the antimatter to become unstable and explode sending Vatican City, and a very large portion of Rome, to God.

Now, to stop the Illuminati, Langdon must find the landmarks left by the original Illuminati that leads to their secret headquarters.  He finds that, he finds the murderer, he finds the antimatter, and he saves the day.  But it’s not that easy, because the Illuminati have help inside the Vatican, and Langdon doesn’t know who he can really trust on his race across Vatican City.

Angels & Demons is a little convoluted, and a little drawn out; if Langdon, or anyone else for that matter, really thought about, they would find the antimatter in a…matter…of minutes.  But that would cut back on the desperate chase across the Pope’s little country, and that would be a shame.  The movie, like the book, is filled with facts and tidbits of information that are far more interesting than most of the mystery.  But, luckily, director Ron Howard and the other powers that be saw fit to have David Koepp (Jurassic Park, War of the Worlds, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) work on the screenplay.  Even when Angels & Demons is in low gear, it is still pretty good little suspense movie.

I liked this one better than The Da Vinci Code.  I think it’s better adapted, and just overall a better entertainment.  Grab a big bag of popcorn and sit back and relax for a couple of hours with Angels & Demons.

4 out of 5
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In Pawlik’s debut novel of inspirational suspense, two men and one woman wake up one morning to find that every other human being on the planet seems to have disappeared. (Yes, one character even uses that tell-tale phrase “left behind.”) The three survivors hallucinate and sense they are being watched. But by whom? Protagonists Mitch, Conner and Helen not only struggle to survive physically, but find themselves pondering vivid memories and grappling with issues from the past. Helen, for example, regrets certain choices she made in her personal life years ago, and Mitch ponders unresolved issues with his parents. Conner mourns his dead son and failed marriage, and tries to cope with the fact that his ex-wife and daughter have become evangelical Christians. The circumstances of his survival prompt him to wrestle with questions of belief. Resolution and even redemption come for some of the heroes, but the prose is flat and the character development is thin enough that readers will have a hard time caring.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Description
2009 Christy Award winner!

Three strangers each encounter the same mysterious storm and awake the next day to find that everyone else has vanished. There’s Conner Hayden, a successful but unscrupulous trial lawyer who has forsaken his family for his career; Helen Krause, a middle-aged model struggling to come to grips with her fading beauty; and Mitch Kent, an enterprising young mechanic unable to escape a past that still haunts him. Afraid and desperate for answers, their paths eventually cross and they discover they are being watched. Elusive and obscured in shadows, the “observers” are apparently forcing them to relive vivid hallucinations of events from their past. They discover a mute homeless boy in tattered clothing and believe he may hold the key to the mystery, but the “observers” soon become aggressive and the four are forced to flee. When the boy disappears, the four decide to head from Chicago to Washington, D.C., in search of answers…and more survivors. Winner of the 2006 operation first novel contest, Vanish is a nonstop suspense thriller in the vein of Ted Dekker.

Coraline Limited Edition Gift Set
From the Director of The Nightmare Before Christmas comes a visually stunning stop-motion animated feature – the first to be originally filmed in 3-D! Discover how the filmmakers and artisans created the magical handmade world of Coraline, exclusively in this 2-Disc Collector’s Edition! Coraline Jones is bored in her new home until she finds a secret door that leads her into a world that’s just like her own…..but better! But when this fantastical adventure turns dangerous and her “other” Mother tries to keep her forever, Coraline must count on her resourcefulness and bravery to get home. Coraline is “A visual marvel.” (Claudia Puig, USA Today).

Gozu (Two Disc Collector’s Edition)
Yakuza underling Minami (Hideki Sone) has a problem. He’s been ordered by the Boss (Renji Ishibashi) to dispose of his “brother” and crime family mentor Ozaki (Sho Aikawa), and he’s having a hard time completing the mission. Things grow even more difficult when the target disappears from the backseat of his convertible. In a nearby isolated town, Minami soon learns that help will be next to impossible to find. The local inn is run by a degenerate brother and sister team, while the local crew provides him with a subordinate named Nose (Shohei Hino) whose motives are unclear at best. When he finally discovers what happened to Ozaki, Minami is faced with a new dilemma. Among all the nightmare elements, his loyalty is put to the test – along with his sanity.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Voldemort is tightening his grip on both the Muggle and wizarding worlds and Hogwarts is no longer the safe haven it once was. Harry suspects that dangers may even lie within the castle, but Dumbledore is more intent upon preparing him for the final battle that he knows is fast approaching. Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort’s defenses and, to this end, Dumbledore recruits his old friend and colleague, Professor Horace Slughorn, whom he believes holds crucial information. Even as the decisive showdown looms, romance blossoms for Harry, Ron, Hermione and their classmates. Love is in the air, but danger lies ahead and Hogwarts may never be the same.

Public Enemies
From award-winning director Michael Mann (Heat, Collateral) comes the film inspired by one of the country’s most captivating and infamous outlaws – John Dillinger. Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean series) stars as the charismatic and elusive bank robber marked by the FBI as America’s first “Public Enemy Number One.” Academy Award winner Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose) plays Billie Frechette, the only woman capable of capturing his heart. Hunted relentlessly by top FBI agent Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale, The Dark Knight), Dillinger engages in an escalating game of outrunning and outgunning the FBI, culminating in an explosive, legendary showdown. “It’s a landmark crime saga” (Peter Travers, Rolling Stone).

World’s Greatest Dad
Robin Williams stars as Lance Clayton, a man who has learned to settle. He dreamed of being a rich and famous writer, but has only managed to make it as an unpopular high school poetry teacher. His only son Kyle (Daryl Sabara) is an insufferable jackass who won’t give his father the time of day. He is dating Claire (Alexie Gilmore), the school’s adorable art teacher, but she doesn’t want to get serious, or even acknowledge publicly that they are dating. Then, in the wake of a freak accident, Lance suffers the worst tragedy and greatest opportunity of his life. He is suddenly faced with the possibility of all the fame, fortune and popularity he ever dreamed of, if he can only live with the knowledge of how he got there.

Plaguers
When a fuel-transport vessel is hijacked by a mad of sexy space pirates, an alien virus is accidentally released. One by one the victims mutate into ravenous, demonic creatures, and the survivors must band together against the undead Plaguers before the unimaginable horror reaches Earth. Steve Railsback (Lifeforce) stars ion this terrifying journey into the deepest recesses of outer space where horror beyond your imagination awaits!

Sarah Langan is not a horror author for every horror fan.  She is in an advanced class all her own.  She is an acquired taste, and what a taste she is:  delicate, deep, and wrenching.  Langan’s latest novel, Audrey’s Door, is by far her best.  And that’s saying a lot considering her previous efforts, The Keeper and The Missing, were stellar books.  This is literature.

Audrey Lucas, small town girl living in the Big Apple, has broken up with her boyfriend, Saraub, and is striking out on her own.  The newbie in the office at the architectural firm that took a chance on her, Audrey struggles every day.  She struggles for the acceptance of others, and the acceptance of herself.  She lives with vivid memories of growing up with her mentally unstable mother (who lies comatose in a hospital) and with her own OCD that threatens to unhinge her.

Having lived in a flea bag motel since her relationship ended, she finds a dream apartment for rent at the legendary Breviary.  The Breviary is the last example of an architectural style known as Chaotic Naturalism (which, Audrey learns, is also a religion), and it’s rich with crazy residents and a bloody, macabre, history.  Audrey is told by the kindly super that the rent is cheap because just a few months previous the last tenant drowned her four children in the bathtub and then slit her own wrists.

Audrey rents the apartment anyway.  And if you think you know what happens next, you’d only be half right.  Audrey’s Door is a haunted house story, and it follows in that tradition rather well but adds some nice spices to the recipe that we don’t get very often these days:  nice chunks of character and story.  Audrey’s descent into madness is detailed, and because Audrey and her world seem so real, that is what makes it so terrifying.

This is a book for thinking adults when kiddie fare such as Brian Keene won’t satisfy your appetite.

4.5 out of 5
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Deader Country
From the director and star of Dead Country comes the next tale of terror! Whilst wagging school, two teenagers stumble across a strange hybrid creature, a beast that is half man, half alien and ALL zombie, which has managed to make its way unseen across desolate countryside to the town of Pleasance. Upon nursing the mutated zombie back to health, the teens unwittingly unleash a deadly new plague of the undead on the town’s populace. Now with a conscience and accompanied by a small group of eccentric locals, Orion is back to help battle the second legion of zombies. However, he is soon to discover a startling revelation that will alter the very fabric of his existence!

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
History is larger than life – and twice as funny – in this monumental comedy sequel that’s “better than the original” (At the Movies! Ben Stiller leads an all-star cast (including Amy Adams, Owen Wilson, Hank Azaria and Robin Williams) as Larry Daley, a former night watchman at the Museum of Natural History, where the exhibits come alive after dark. But now Larry’s nocturnal friends are being retired to the archives of the Smithsonian Institution, luring him back for a hilarious, all-out battle against museum misfits who plan to take over the Smithsonian… and the world!

Silent Night, Deadly Night [Triple Feature]
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out Ricky Caldwell, the notorious ‘Killer Santa Claus,’ awakens from a six year coma after being kept alive on life-support by a slightly crazed doctor experimenting with ESP and other special abilities. Ricky targets a young, clairvoyant blind woman, named Laura, whom is traveling with her brother Chris, and his girlfriend Jerri to their grandmother’s house for Christmas Eve, and Ricky decides to go after her, leaving a trail of dead bodies in his wake.  Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation A female reporter investigates the death of a woman who, on fire, leapt off of a building to her death. Her investigation leads her to discover the existence of a strange cult dedicated Egyptian god Isis–and the cult wants her as its new queen.  Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker A young boy sees his father killed by a toy that was anonymously delivered to his house. After that, he is too traumatized to speak, and his mother must deal with both him and the loss of her husband. Meanwhile, a toy maker named Joe Peto builds some suspicious-looking toys, and a mysterious man creeps around both the toy store and the boy’s house…but who is responsible for the killer toys?

Terminator Salvation
In the aftermath of Judgment Day and the takeover by the machines, John Connor (Christian Bale, The Dark Knight), the destined leader of the human resistance, must counter Skynet’s devastating plan to terminate mankind. As Connor rallies his underground street fighters for a last, desperate battle, he realizes that to save the future he must rescue his own father, Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin, Star Trek). But the most shocking discovery comes with the arrival of Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington, Avatar), a mysterious loner from the past who challenges Connor with an impossible choice that will determine the future of the human race – leading them both on a brutal journey into the very heart of the enemy.

Storm of the Dead
When the Florida Panhandle is hit by a “Category 5″ hurricane, the President of the United States has no choice but to reactivate the Florida Militia to restore order in the region. In their quest to restore stability to an unstable area, the Militia is ordered to ‘shoot looters’. When one of the looters tracked down and shot is the grandson of a Voodoo Queen, all hell breaks loose as he seeks revenge on the Militia.

Hello everyone.  Just wanted to drop a quick word to let you know that, hopefully, after this Thanksgiving holiday, I’ll be back here at the site with more frequency.  There has been a lot of things going on lately; like the old saying says, “Life is one damn thing after another.”  Very true.

So, I plan to come back full force next week, if things go well.  Take it easy, and try to survive Black Friday.

Happy Thanksgiving.

J.
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Angels & Demons
In Ron Howard’s thrilling follow-up to The Da Vinci Code, expert symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) follows ancient clues on a heart-racing hunt through Rome to find the four Cardinals kidnapped by the deadly secret society, the Illuminati. With the Cardinals’ lives on the line, and the Camerlengo (Ewan McGregor) desperate for help, Langdon embarks on a nonstop, action-packed race through sealed crypts, dangerous catacombs, and the most secretive vault on Earth!

Blood Moon Rising
Since 1889, cursed lovers, Tristan and Rachel, have roamed the Earth looking for a way to end their misery as a vampire and werewolf. Only during an eclipsed blood moon can they see each other’s human forms renewing their live. In the year 1969 they put an end to their agony only to have it soiled by Tristan’s jealous wife and daughter of the Devil. Lucy. Back from the grave and still hot from hell, her plan goes beyond revenge. She seeks to rule Earth with the army of hell. The only person who can stop Lucy is her great-great granddaughter Sadie Hawkins. Sadie is swept into the turmoil and is soon joined by sidekick Darrel Lee, a comic book geek and soda jerk whose been waiting for this moment all his life. As the plot thickens with werewolves, zombies and vampires, Darrel finds his element and falls in love with Sadie.

Devil Girl
Fay is a small town girl on a cross country road trip, trying to escape her own reality after the death of her father. After encountering a neurotic, drug abusing clown she finds herself sliding down a dark spiral. Soon, her road trip starts to devolve into a living nightmare. Trapped and desperate, she fights to regain her identity while navigating through a host of locals: a creepy motel clerk, an overzealous preacher, and a sexy, otherworldly temptress.

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls
 What happens to a woman when she is abused by her parents, becomes a runaway at the tender age 14, is molested by a local priest who takes her in and is then used and abused by nearly everyone she comes into contact with? For Angela Aberdeen the answer is to turn away from the human race and all earthly reality by making a sacred pact with Satan. After enlisting his protection in return for her eternal soul, her first act is to burn down the priest’s church as he lays passed out drunk on the floor. She then flees to the city where she develops a horrible addiction to alcohol and drugs. Angela quickly spirals downward in her journey to Hell. Stripping turns to pornography and prostitution, and as her deadly addictions tear her body apart, she realizes that even Satan has seemingly forsaken her. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is the opening film of the infamous Vomit Gore Trilogy directed by Lucifer Valentine. We must warn you that the thoroughly evil and outrageous DVD that you hold in your hands contains the answer to a very elemental question. How deranged, demented and depraved can one person’s existence be? Are you willing to push the boundaries in order to find out? Are you confident enough to test the true strength of your grip on reality? You won’t believe your eyes…or STOMACH!

The Witches Hammer
Rebecca is brought back from the brink of death by top secret agency. She is trained as a lethal assassin and sent on missions to kill that which she has become, a vampire. Thrown into a quest for an ancient book powerful enough to raise the dead. Rebecca must utilize her training to face vampires, demons and witches all vying for the book and its awesome power!