LITERAL REMAINS

In the backwoods, if you have a problem and are desperate enough, you can raise a demon to mete out revenge.  That’s exactly what Ed Harley does in Stan Winston’s classic, Pumpkinhead.

Ed is a single father doing the best he can to provide for his son.  They live way in the back woods, one of those very remote rural communities.  Ed runs a general store on the highway that passes through the countryside to cities and towns with more opportunities.  The place isn’t much, but its his, and they seem pretty happy and content.

Sadly, Ed makes a mistake.  He lives his young son at the store while he makes a delivery.  Some vacationers stop for a breather, deciding to run their dirt bikes.  An accident happens, and Ed’s son is run down.  When Ed returns and finds his son, the vacationer responsible long gone.  Ed knows what has to be done, despite the warning from his friends and neighbors.

Ed tracks down Haggis, the witch.  She lives in a cabin in the swamp; its located in a place that to find it, you really got to want it.  Haggis agrees to Ed’s demands and raises the demon of revenge known as Pumpkinhead, a monster he saw as a child chasing one of the local men.  The demon does its job, exacting revenge for Ed Harley, but there are some things Ed didn’t expect.  For one, he can see through the demon’s eyes.  And Ed also has a change of heart.

 Pumpkinhead has feelings that run deep.  Fear, grief, horror, remorse.  The late Stan Winston and his crew draped the movie in chilling atmosphere and created a simple and effective revenge story with a very scary looking monster.  Lance Henriksen plays Ed, the mourning father, and it is one of his great performances.

the_novacula

Terror in a small town.  That’s what “Lois Holl’r” is.  I wanted to write something set in Fall, hopefully I’ve captured the essence of the season well enough.  It’s a story I tried to write several months ago, but I just couldn’t get it.  Finally, last month, I think I got it.

“Lois Holl’r” stems from those things that have influenced me, such as schoolyard mythologies and that ability we, mostly, only have as children, which is to find mystery in our backyards.  Most every story I write is like a little movie in my head, and this one is no different.  I wanted to write something that reflected all those wonderful B-movies I watched during my formative years.  I tried to write it in that same fun vein.

Is this a good B-movie?  I like it.  It follows the same territory as “Mallet Man”, but I like this much more.  “Mallet Man” is kind of here just for filler; what I set out to do with that story, I feel I’ve somewhat accomplished with “Lois Holl’r”.  At least to my own personal tastes.  And, as always, forgive the typos (tried to catch them), and also any assaults on the English language I have committed, both accidentally and intentionally.

Hope you enjoy it.  Happy Halloween.

J.
the_novacula

Black Devil Doll
Heather thought that a Ouija board was nothing but an innocent child’s game. Little did she know, this child’s game would open a flaming door to hell and re-animate the soul of a recently executed black militant serial killer! With his spirit now trapped in the body of a trash-talking ventriloquist doll, Heather and her sexy friends must fight off the unrelenting horrors and unspeakable deviant advances of a three foot killer with a taste for young flesh and warm blood. Can they stop the Black Devil Doll???

Dead Air
  Logan Burnhardt is the king of the airwaves, LA’s preeminent shock-jock prime-time radio host–brash, egotistical, and totally unflappable. Until tonight. In the middle of a regular show, full of nutty interviews and wise-ass monologues, calls start flooding in. There’s been an explosion. No, a riot. No, an attack of some sort…Terrorists again? What unfolds in minute-by-minute suspense for Logan and his radio team is all of our worst fears combined: A terrorist attack, a biological contanimant…one that turns people into raving, deadly maniacs! This madness turns father on son, mother on children, friend against friend. Soon LA is an out-of-control madhouse of infected maniacs, and it’s up to Logan to decipher what is happening long enough to stay alive, stay on air, and get out a message to the millions in danger. Dead Air is a chillingly modern twist on the classic zombie movie–now seen through the terrifying prism on international terrorism.

Fear(s) of the Dark
  It has been hailed as the most visually stunning and unsettling anthology in modern animation history: Artistic director Etienne Robial brings together six of the world’s leading comic and graphic artists – Blutch, Charles Burns, Marie Caillou, Richard McGuire, Pierre di Sciullo and Lorenzo Mattotti – to each create a black and white journey straight into the realm of fright. This is their stark and naked world of phobias, nightmares and shadows, of strange noises, slimy bugs and dead things. It’s a creepy, kinky, sometimes funny and always scary ride inside what makes our skin crawl and keeps us awake all night. The lights are off. The fear is real. Do you dare watch it alone?

Night of the Creeps
  One of the most eagerly-awaited genre films of the ’80s finally on DVD! When an alien experiment goes awry, it crashes to Earth in 1959 and infects a young college student. Twenty-seven years later, his cryogenically frozen body is thawed out by fraternity pledges… and the campus is quickly overrun by alien creatures – whose victims come back as zombies! Fred Dekker’s enjoyable throwback chiller deftly mixes all sorts of genres while simultaneously having fun with them (the college and all the leading characters are named after famous horror movie directors). This jam-packed release contains the ending director Dekker always intended. As an added bonus, the original theatrical ending is also included. So reach out and grab this treat for all fans of scary movies, then fire up the DVD player and yell, “Thrill me!”

Orphan
  Tragedy seems to follow nine-year-old Esther. She was orphaned in her native Russia. Her last adoptive family perished in a fire Esther barely escaped. But now the Coleman family has adopted her, and life is good. Until a classmate takes a serious fall from a slide. Until an orphanage nun is battered to death. And until Esther’s new mom wonders if that tragic fire was an accident. From Dark Castle Productions comes Orphan, bringing stunning new twists to the psychological thriller and locking audiences in a tightening vise of mystery, suspicion and terror. You’ll never forget Esther. So sweet. So intelligent. So creative. So disturbed.

Sauna
  A chilling horror film, Sauna explores the space between Christianity and paganism. The year 1595 – a long and brutal war is finally over. Brothers Knut and Erik – who are part of a commission marking the border between Finland and Russia – commit a terrible sin as they leave a young girl to die a horrible death. As the commission crosses the uncharted swamp, the girl returns to haunt them. Weary men find solace from the nameless village and find a sauna – the sauna where all sins are washed away. Seeking forgiveness the brothers step in…

Tales from the Darkside: The Second Season
  Welcome to a world where the strange and the ordinary are brought together to tell wicked stories… with a twist. Welcome to Tales From The Darkside: The Second Season. Featuring major stars from film and TV, these 24 spine-tingling stories of heart-stopping suspense and killer thrills promise to leave you dead-bolting the door and sleeping with the lights on for many nights to come.  “Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.”

Prepare for fun.  Night of the Creeps has freshly escaped to DVD.  We can all live life a better now.  I’ve only seen this movie one time, uncut, and that was on IFC or something.  The only other times I had seen it was years ago on some syndication channels; that was after its little mad dash through its brief theater release.

In 1959, an alien crashes on Earth.  It is carrying a little slug like creature that turns people into zombies.  The alien is quickly apprehended, the incident covered up, and the truth sealed tight.

Flash forward to 1986.  Two lowly fraternity pledges, steal a body from the university medical facility.  They find one that is being preserved in suspended animation.  They free it, but before they can make away with it, it comes alive.  Scared witless, they flee.  The body is, of course, host to the zombie-inducing parasite and it escapes.  Before you can blink an eye, the little slugs are squirming their way into every available human body, and it’s fun watching the sorority girls getting all slugged.

The great Tom Atkins is the in charge of solving the case of the missing body from the lab.  He is quite mad.  Bonkers.  He also knows this case ties into the homicidesfrom ’59.  Soon, he and the frat pledges are fighting off zombies and killing extra-terrestrial leeches.

Night of the Creeps was written and directed by Fred Dekker (The Monster Squad) and it’s one of the best horror/comedies you’ll ever be blessed enough to see.  It’s fast and funny, and should have been on DVD a lot sooner, but it arrives just in time for Halloween.  It’s a great Halloween this year, ain’t it?  It’s all sweet treats.

I suggest buying it.  Watching it once is fine; watching it several times reveals some of the jokes you missed the first time.  This should be in every video collection.

the_novacula

I know what you wanted-
I’m sorry what you found.
There’s no one here to set you free,
only me to keep you bound.

You dream love in bloom as a rose,
but the thorns keep it real;
the sad reality brings the blood
and crucifies the heart’s ideal.

If I confessed to your every tear,
then more the tears you will shed;
if I could feel your every pain, you
would have revived me from the dead.

I do not know how to build your world,
or how you could possibly live in mine.
Out there, you are a ray of warmth-
in here, you cannot shine.

the_novacula

The Fog is the first horror movie I ever remember seeing.  This is the one that hooked me and made me a horror devotee.  Although there may be better films to come down the line over the past few decades, there is still a power in this simple little ghost story, and I would be remiss if I didn’t include it on our countdown.

The centennial celebration of Antonio Bay is accompanied by the appearance of a strange fog.  “What the hell’s in the fog?”  Ghosts.

One hundred years ago, the founding fathers of Antonio Bay lured a ship to shore.  They intentionally sank the ship, the Elizabeth Dane, on the rocks, luring all the passengers to their death.  The people on board the ship were lepers, hoping to build a new colony with the hefty wealth they had accumulated.  The founders of Antonio Bay, having killed the lepers, stole all their riches to help fund their own settlement.

The true history of Antonio Bay is discovered by Father Malone, written by his ancestor, one of the men who killed the lepers and started the town.  The murdered victims of the Elizabeth Dane have returned on the glowing fog, and they want revenge (after one hundred years, it’s safe to say that, yes, that makes it a cold dish).  Top on the list of those who need killin’ are the direct descendants of Antonio Bay’s founding fathers.

The Fog stars Jamie Lee Curtis, Adrienne Barbeau, Tom Atkins, Hal Holbrook, Nancy Loomis, Janet Leigh, and John Houseman.  Talk about genre favorites and some serious heavyweights!

The Fog hits just the right notes throughout.  Co-writer/director John Carpenter was put a few gore scenes to help draw movie goers of 1980, but they are tame by today’s standards.  There is still very little blood or gore.  This is an effectively paced and well made thriller.

the_novacula

Did you and your family ever have family game night?  Maybe you still do.  Can you remember those times when you were a kid and the family would pile into the car and go bowling, or to the movies, or go play miniature golf, raid the mall, or watch a midget battle royale on pay-per-view?  That’s good times right there.

Now, did you and your family ever kidnap people and kill them because God told your dad they were demons?

Thus is the premise of Frailty.  Fenton and his little brother, Adam, are being raised the best they can by their widowed father.  Their dad is a mechanic who works long hours to support his sons, and the boys pick up the slack by helping around the house, doing chores so their dad doesn’t have too much work to do when he gets home.  They live a simple life, but it works for them.

Then one night, their dad comes home and tells the boys he has had a vision from God.  They are church going people, so it starts out innocent enough, but Fenton isn’t sure what to make of his dad’s vision when told they would be doing God’s will by killing demons.  Demons that look like ordinary men and women.  Dad has a list of names given to him by the good Lord.  Dad is also divinely led to an axe.  Fenton thinks dad’s gone loco, especially when he brings home the first victim.  Little brother Adam, on the other hand, is in full righteous kill mode.

Frailty, star Bill Paxton’s directorial debut, is recounted in flashbacks by the grown Fenton to FBI Special Agent Doyle.  He explains that his little brother is the current God’s Hand Killer and offers to take Agent Doyle to where the bodies are buried.  The story Fenton tells is a ripping good yarn, and a genius take on brother against brother, and father/son divides.

You may have to remind yourself it’s only a movie because the level of religious zealotry on display here isn’t that far fetched.  The true horror is that it’s downright plausible.

the_novacula

A group of girlfriends meet every year on vacation to do some extreme sport or other.  The year of their rafting trip is tragic for Sarah; returning home, there is a traffic accident, and her husband and young daughter are killed.  It’s a long year of recuperation.

Finally, though, Sarah relents and joins her friends for a cave dwelling vacation organized by Juno.  Things don’t go as smooth as they all had planned.  The cave is actually unexplored, a little fact that Juno neglects to tell everyone.  Accidents happen, and they have to look for an new exit because they can’t leave the way they entered.

Nerves fray, stress mounts.  The group tries to keep it together, and they try to keep from turning on each other.  The cave itself threatens to destroy them, if not physically, mentally.  The darkness toys with them, and they get to a point where they have to question what’s real and what’s not.

Also, there are those damn creatures trying to eat them.

The Descent was Neil Marshall’s follow up to his debut film, Dog Soldiers.  This movie doesn’t play around.  It’s horror, pure and simple.  Even if the monsters had not have been in the movie, it still would have been a stellar piece of cinema.  Luckily, there are monsters, and the danger is tripled:  attacks from each other, the cave, and the humanoid creatures.  Or is the danger quadrupled?  Attacks from their own minds?

Like Dog Soldiers, there is action found here, but in this movie, with Sarah and her friends, it’s more suspenseful, there’s more tension.  Which is the better movie?  That’s like playing favorites with your kids.  Both possess a certain perfection and class.

Despite the addition of flesh eating creatures, it all feels real.  Or is it real?  The Descent can be interpreted a couple of different ways.  Has Sarah finally gone off the deep end and started killing everyone?  Are the monsters real?  Did Sarah die in the car crash with her husband and daughter?

Any which way you look at it, The Descent is not a bottom dweller.

the_novacula

I’m going to try to phrase this properly.  Give me a second.  Okay, I admire and appreciate Dan Brown’s Robert Langdon novels more than I actually like them.  That makes sense, doesn’t it?  I admire the author for the research that goes into these things, because it is fascinating.  Something gets lost between thought and expression, though.

Oddly enough, for me, reading these books brings to mind Michael Crichton and Stephen King.  I think of Crichton because of the facts and science and history and such, except Crichton made learning much more fun.  I think of Stephen King because of what a former teacher once said regarding late period King (he may have been quoting someone, I’m not sure):  “King tends to write horror for housewives.”  Brown writes sensational fiction for housewives and highbrows, those people who would look down their noses at Walter Gibson, Smith and Street, and Bill Gaines.  This is pulp for WASPs.

The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown’s first book since the mega-bestselling piece of crap, The Da Vinci Code (or as it translates to English The The Vinci Code).  Symbologist Robert Langdon is invited by his friend, and head Mason, Peter Solomon, to give a lecture on the symbols of Masonry.  Langdon accepts, only to arrive in Washington, D.C., to realize he’s been duped.  He also discovers Peter’s severed right hand (on a stick) sitting pretty in the Capitol Rotunda with the index finger pointing skyward, and all the fingers tattooed.

This, of course, is an ancient symbol, “Hand of the Mysteries”, and it’s an invitation to Langdon from a heavily tattooed madman named Mal’akh.  The ensuing mystery has him running across D.C. to stop a national crisis of cataclysmic events.  Helping Langdon on this go-’round are Noetic scientist Katherine Solomon (Peter’s sister), some high ranking Freemasons (including a blind reverend), and a no-nonsense Asian lady from the CIA.  They follow Robert Langdon, and the clues, through dark tunnels, secret passages, intricate puzzles, and a race against time.

All the little known trivia and hidden facts and secret histories are interesting, and if Brown had more of those thrown in with less of the homogenized thriller plot trappings, The Lost Symbol would be killer.  That goes for the rest of the Langdon books, as well.  But story wise, there are no big surprises; even the the revelation of the madman’s true identity could be seen by the blind reverend a hundred miles away.

I liked The Lost Symbol a great deal better than The Da Vinci Code, but not as much as Angels & Demons.  Interesting side note:  I’ve not seen the movie of A & D yet, but, having loathed the Code book, I actually thought the movie version was all right.

3 out of 5
the_novacula

I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t put Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931) somewhere on this Halloween countdown.  Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is one of my favorite stories, and Fredric March’s Oscar winning star turn at the dual role is one of the great performances of horror.  This racy film from pre-Hays Code Hollywood is the best adaptation, so far, of the classic story, even though (like most other adaptations) it deviates from the original source quite a lot.

I’ve always been intrigued by Stevenson’s story, by the good doctor and his inner beast unleashed.  I admit, I’ve always felt a kind of kinship with Jekyll and his Hyde.  But don’t we all have that?  We all have that shadow self, that Mr. Hyde, lurking inside us, just waiting to break free, don’t we?  There is some of all of us in Jekyll and Hyde, and it’s easy to see it in black and white in this superb film.

If you don’t know the story by now, good Dr. Jekyll experiments with the duality of man.  He believes that people are capable of both good and bad, and that those two natures are at odds within us.  Through his experimentation he succeeds in getting in touch with his inner bad boy, who takes on a life of his own as Mr. Hyde.  As Frankenstein might phrase it, Jekyll good, Hyde bad.  Hyde very bad.  Very, very, bad.  Hyde is violent, lecherous, scandalous, murderous even (thanks Snagglepuss).

Jekyll is engaged to the virginal Muriel, but it’s Mr. Hyde’s object of affection, the prostitute Ivy, played by the rowdy and bawdy Miriam Hopkins, that is the real prize to keep your eye on in this picture.  She is a sweet little package of sexuality all tied up with a cute little bow.  Until she does her striptease.

Forget the Spencer Tracy version from ’42, and all other versions as a matter of fact.  This is the one.

the_novacula

All hell breaks loose on a stormy night for two different groups of people.

First, Dr. Malick arranges a last minute hearing for his patient, serial killer Malcolm Rivers, who is set to be executed in a matter of hours.  Malick convinces the judge to hear new evidence and to consider sparing Rivers’ life.  Malick believes this new evidence will reveal exactly how disturbed Rivers actually is, and that he is as much a victim as the people he killed.

The second group, which the movie spends more time with, find themselves stranded at a motel in the middle of the desert by the storm.  There is Ed, who is chauffeur to Caroline (a bitchy actress); George, his wife (whom Ed ran over), and their son; Paris, a Vegas prostitute; Ginny and Lou, unhappy newlyweds; Detective Rhodes and his criminal prisoner, Maine; and, lastly, motel manager Larry.

After the motel group gets settled in, and they tend to George’s wife’s vehicular trauma, they are all prepared to wait out the storm and leave the next morning to continue about their lives.  Things don’t exactly go as they may have planned.  Things seem odd from the start at the motel, and before anyone can think of getting any rest, the thrown-together guests begin being killed off one by one.  These motel strangers realize they are all connected in some form or fashion; for example:  they all have the same birthday.

Identity is a fun rarity.  It’s a slasher film that keeps you guessing as the twists and turns slowly unfold.  Who is the killer?  Where are the bodies disappearing to?  What’s the connection between the motel action and the hearing reprieve?  All the questions are answered, and the Big Twist will knock you for a loop.  Some viewers may buy it, some may not.  Either way, I didn’t really see it coming.

This is a true original, yet, at the same time, it has familiarity.  A slasher, a locked room mystery, a slice of The Twilight Zone, and a quality thriller.  Identity is B-movie heaven.

the_novacula

Blood: The Last Vampire
  From a Producer of Hero and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon comes Blood: The Last Vampire, based on the cult hit anime series. Demons have infested Earth. And only one warrior stands between the dark and the light: Saya, a half-human, half-vampire samurai who preys on those who feast on human blood. Joining forces with the shadowy society known as the Council, Saya is dispatched to an American military base, where an intense series of swordfights leads her to the deadliest vampire of all. And now after 400 years, Saya’s greatest hunt is about to begin.

The William Castle Collection
Iconic horror director William Castle created a simple, but winning formula for his films: a little comedy, a lot of scares, a preposterous gimmick, and a clear sense that fright films should be fun. This even meant Castle would, like Hitchcock, appear in his trailers and even the movies themselves. Though his career spanned 35 years and included everything from westerns to crime thrillers, he’ll always be remembered for his horror films from the late 50s to the mid-60s. And now Sony presents all eight of his Columbia features – three making their DVD debut, the rest newly-remastered – in one “spook-tacular” collection. And as a bonus, it includes the award-winning feature-length documentary, Spine Tingler! The William Castle Story.

Blood Ties
  A group of graduate students from Hollow’s Pointe University write a thesis paper giving their theory of the unsolved campus murders of 20 years ago. A conspiracy is uncovered and the students are now in danger. When the students begin to dig deeper, what they find shocks everyone. The conspiracy goes far beyond what anyone had anticipated and one by one the students disappear as they try to stay one step ahead of those who must keep them silent.

Hardware (2-Disc Limited Edition)
It was the movie that stunned audiences, shocked the MPAA and marked the debut of one of the most uncompromising filmmakers in modern horror. Golden Globe winner Dylan McDermott (The Practice) stars as a post-apocalyptic scavenger who brings home a battered cyborg skull for his metal-sculptor girlfriend. But this steel scrap contains the brain of the M.A.R.K. 13, the military’s most ferocious bio-mechanical combat droid. It is cunning, cruel and can reassemble itself. Tonight, it is reborn….and no flesh shall be spared. Stacey Travis (Ghost World) co-star – along with appearances by Iggy Pop, Lemmy of Motorhead and much by Ministry and Public Image Ltd. – in the kick-ass sci-fi thriller from Richard Stanley (Dust Devil) that Fangoria calls “gritty, trippy and frightening….Hardware is one of the best horror movies you’ve never seen!”

The Torturer
  You’re dragged from your house to a secret prison. You have no right to a lawyer or a speedy trial. You don’t know when-or if-you will ever be released. You don’t know who your captor is or what tools he will use to get what he wants. You’re hooded, frozen, stripped, probed, and sexually humiliated. The deeper he goes the more you doubt your own sanity, and his. Only one thing certain…in a post-9/11 world, no one can hear you scream.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
  The battle for Earth continues in this action-packed blockbuster from director Michael Bay and executive producer Steven Spielberg. When college-bound Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) learns the truth about the ancient origins of the Transformers, he must accept his destiny and join Optimus Prime and Bumblebee in their epic battle against the Decepticons, who have returned stronger than ever with a plan to destroy our world.

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead
The bloodcurdling horror continues with footage too shocking for theaters in Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead! Three finger and his disturbed family of inbred cannibals are alive and well-fed in this terrifying, white-knuckle ride directed by Sci-Fi Channel movie veteran Declan O’Brien (Cyclops, Rock Monster). The first course for the bloodthirsty family comes when a group of campers arrive, realizing only too late that ticks aren’t the only things that bite in these dark backwoods. But when some of the most vicious killers in the country escape from a prison transport bus, Three Finger and his family may have met their match. Will justice be served on the convicted murderers or upon the mutant killers? Whatever happens, Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead delivers one bone-crushing moment after another right to its terrifying end!

You read that correctly, I am suggesting  Tales From the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood.  You wanna be startin’ somethin’?

If there ever was a guilty pleasure, it’s Bordello of Blood.  It is filled wall to wall with cheeky humor, gross outs, Dennis Miller in what has been his best movie so far, scantily clad vampire prostitutes, and fake boobed vampire prostitutes running around nude.  Plus Corey Feldman, a midget, and Chris Sarandon as a shady televangelist.  How this all failed at the box office is beyond me.

Dennis Miller plays Rafe Guttman, a private investigator who is hired by a young lady, Katherine (Erika Eleniak), to find her missing brother, Caleb (that one Corey).  Caleb went out with his friends and never came home.  What his sis doesn’t know is that Caleb and his friends, while out shooting pool, received a tip about a whorehouse.  The bordello is fronted by a funeral home, and the doorman/mortician is a very disturbed individual who likes to feel up the corpses for the legit business side of things.

As the title suggests, the whorehouse side of things is indeed populated with hungry vampire babes.  The madam of the establishment is Lilith (Angie Everhart), the queen of all vamps.  Lilith was awakened at the beginning of the movie by the midget,Vincent, who just happens to work for Reverend Current (Sarandon).  Katherine works for Current, and Rafe is soon onto the connection between the vampire queen and the preacher.

This movie is funny.  If you like Dennis Miller and nude vampire whores, two great tastes that taste great together.  True, there are funnier horror comedies, but they don’t have Miller (who is flat out funny here) or Angie Everhart, and Bordello wears its tastelessness like a badge of honor.  Plus, you can’t beat a little person working a double cross.  Or a guitar slinging televangelist.  Or fake vampire boobs.

the_novacula

Is it just me or do mummies seem to be lacking in representation in the horror genre?  In quality work, I mean, not in the SyFy Original Movie vein.  The only good mummy movies are The Mummy, with Karloff, Bubba Ho-tep, and The Monster Squad.  I guess I could include Hammer’s The Mummy, but, really, should I?  And in the world of literature there is only…actually, to think on it, I’ve never read a horror novel starring a mummy, or a short story for that matter.  I know they must exist, but I’ve never read them, at least I don’t remember reading one (help me out here).

When I say “mummy”, I mean the wrapped up, decaying, shuffling-walk, type of mummy.  I do not, let me stress NOT, mean that Stephen Sommers crap that’s been splattered onto theater screens like mad monkeys machine gun-throwing their doo.  Hell, they don’t even have to shuffle for me to like them.  They do, at least, have to walk a little slow.

The Mummy, which was (lets face it) just a retread of the earlier Dracula, though better than that vampire film (again, lets face it), only has Karloff in what is considered traditional mummy garb for just a brief few scenes.  Even in The Monster Squad we get short-changed; the Mummy pops in and out so quick, and seen so little, it’s easy to forget he’s in the movie at all.

There are a ton of mummy movies out there…really, there are, I’ve seen the DVD covers on the video store shelves over the years.  The majority of these movies come and go fast, though, because they fall well below what would be considered “good”.  Some fall below the margin of what is considered “entertainment”.

I suppose there is a fine line between mummies and zombies, and it seems zombies have pretty much won out over the years.  Nothing against zombies.  Mummies, according to what I’ve seen in the movies (and this is the only research I’ve done on them), are capable of an intelligence beyond the basic need, or craving, to feast on the flesh of the living, and most are beyond wandering aimless through the world.  They can be cunning and conniving as well as murderous and horrific.

Mummies are one of the great untapped sources in horror.  Maybe someday, not too distant from today, the mummy, bandages and all, will see a renaissance.  Maybe once teen vampires and shapeshifters go out of fashion and zombies are indicted for Ponzi schemes, maybe the mummy will stalk the shadows of the silver screen and lurk the caverns of the written word.

Of course it will all probably have something to do with Stephenie Meyer, and then I’ll just have to shoot myself.

J.
the_novacula

Ralphie is a traveling businessman who is also a big kid at heart.  While traveling one dark and stormy night, he happens upon two punk rock girls hitchhiking.  He picks them up and they find themselves seeking refuge in an old mansion, after the car is stuck in mud, owned by elderly couple who make dolls.

Ralphie and the girls aren’t the only wanderers who find themselves at the old house in the middle of the night.  Little Judy is there, also, with her abusive father and wicked stepmother; that’s right, there car is stuck also (funny how these things happen).  How wicked is her stepmother?  She throws Judy’s teddy bear away.  That’s just down right mean.

Luckily, at the old couple’s house, they have plenty of dolls.  These dolls, however, aren’t the average, everyday, Chatty Kathy’s and Barbies.  These dolls come to life and kill.  More to the point, they punish.  But they don’t punish the innocent, only the bad.  Like a certain bad dad and mean stepmom.

You may sit down to watch Dolls expecting something other than what you get.  I thought I was going to see a slash’em up, especially since the cover showed a doll taking its own eyeballs from its head.  What you actually get with Dolls is a fairy tale, but with a sinister twist.  There is actually a gentle heart beating just under the scares with some needed advice about losing our childlike whimsy.  It’s really about the young at heart and the kid in all of us.

This is an early Stuart Gordon film, made after Re-Animator and From Beyond.  After Dolls he kind of hit the skids until surfacing on Masters of Horror with “Dreams In the Witch-House”.  Of the Gordon films I’ve seen, this is the most interesting. The killer dolls in Dolls look pretty darn good, too.  This was well before CGI ruled the world, and I think CGI would have ruined the effect this movie has completely.  Believe it or not, Dolls has an innocence that is hard to find in horror.  Or movies in general.

the_novacula