LITERAL REMAINS

If you like watching blind people walk around naked, stepping in feces, and getting it on, then you have found the movie for you. If none of that turns you on, or interests you in the least, then walk on by.

I wish I had walked on by.

There is an unexplained epidemic that causes white blindness. It spreads throughout the entire unnamed city. The first cases are quarantined. The population slowly increases. One woman, the doctor’s wife, played by Julianne Moore, retains her sight but plays blind to join her blinded eye doctor husband. She assumes the role of caretaker for the blinded. The guards are sadistic, certain other blind people stage a coup and are all out terrorists. It’s not as good as it sounds.

There is supposed to be a message somewhere in this degrading mess. For the life of me, it’s lost on me. It’s based on a highly respected book, but so was The Bonfire of the Vanities. Moore is decent in her role, but damn, this movie goes down the crapper.

Ignore this pile. I had high hopes for this one, but all hope is lost.

1.5 out of 5
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First of all let me say I liked this movie.  I thought it was good.   As a fan of the graphic novel, I recommend it.   Also, as a fan of the graphic novel, the movie was better than I thought it would be.   With all of that out of the way, the film version of Watchmen is lacking in something, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.  It troubles me.  Maybe it’s just that it is not the source material.

Watchmen has a great cast that brings these complex characters to life.  I think Ozymandias was miscast, but they didn’t ask me, so there you go.  The characters have personal demons and dilemmas which average action/superhero movie-going audiences will yawn at, be bored by.  The heroes that populate Watchmen feel real, and the world they inhabit feels real.  This is not just a comic book movie, but a film overall, for people who want something to chew their minds on after the final credits.  It’s all owed to Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, and the filmmakers, for the most part, honor them.

For as much as I liked this movie, to me it still seems to be a little aimless.  It really feels like it’s on rails and can’t breath on its own.  It has no vision outside of its origins.  It’s nice to see the Watchmen and their world on the screen, but it feels forced onto the silver screen.  The movie is not the novel; it should have found a little of its own life.

But, like I said, I did like it.  I thought it well made, though some scenes reminded me too much of director Zack Snyder’s previous hit 300.  It feels like Mr. Snyder is copying himself.  Watchmen‘s substance just barely outweighs its style.

4 out of 5

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I keep warm in the pocket of my heart
The picture of her that graces my wallet.
Either Love, or Lust, or Madness, it is wrong
Whatever name you’ve decided to call it.
There is a chill wind that resides in
The evening light’s falling;
The owls are out and the katydids are calling,
A duet with my soul of the same exact tune:
It’s not dark, but it will be soon.
Dusk is the heavy breath of gloom.
It’s not dark, yet…but it will be soon.

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Oh, brother, here we go again. At least that’s what I thought when I first read the back jacket of this Cortes’s debut novel. Set in the near future, Earth is plagued with crises: ecological, geographical, and political. A world in turmoil. But this circle under the jungle could mean opportunity knocking. Unbeknownst to IMC, they are being spied on by Pygmies. Yeah, that’s right, Pygmies. The Pygmies are part of a mystical society that protects the secret under the Congo, and they have something to do with protecting the knowledge of the universe.

It gets a little weird.

There are echoes of Michael Crichton’s Sphere (and Congo and The Andromeda Strain) and Lincoln Child’s Deep Storm in Perfect Circle. But, I admit, it was not exactly what I was expecting. Like I said, it gets a little weird. There are some good plot turns, and the more outrageous story strains of mysticism are woven into the science fiction tale in a deft manner.

This is an interesting story, but it gets bogged down in the telling. Several, several, times I checked to see how far from the end I was; not in a gasp to postpone it, but in a “gee, lets get on with it, already” kind of way. It gets weird, and a little boring. Having read it, I wished the beginning and middle parts had been shortened, and the ending had been expanded. The end was much more interesting than the preceding events.

3 out of 5

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I just finished reading Dan Simmons’s novel Drood the other day, and I have to admit it has become one of my favorites.  Here’s a list of ten other books that I think kick all manners of butt.  They are in no particular order.

1.  Imajica by Clive Barker

2.  ‘Salem’s Lot by Stephen King

3.  The List of 7 by Mark Frost

4.  Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs

5.  The Black Dahlia by James Ellroy

6.  The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

7.  Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons

8.  Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury

9.  Mythago Wood by Robert Holdstock

10.  Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton

What the hell, lets turn it up to eleven!

11.  The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

The Other’s Web

Maybe I’m a moth
drawing closer to your flame.
Maybe you’re a fox and
I’m unsuspecting game.
Or maybe you’re Jesus
come to heal the lame.

Sometimes we’re spiders,
sometimes we’re flies,
sometimes wanderers barely
passing the other by.
Sometimes we’re missed calls
losing faith on the line.

I’m the ship, you’re the sea-
I’ve begun to sink,
drowning in your tempest
and dying for a drink.
Life should give us a warning-
love is darker than we think.

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The word on the street (or information superhighway) is that A Nightmare On Elm Street and Hellraiser are set for remakes, plus The Wolf Man is due in November.  What follows is a list of remakes (or re-imaginings) of horror classics that I liked.

1.  Halloween

2.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

3.  Bram Stoker’s Dracula

4.  Dawn of the Dead

5.  The Thing

6.  The Fog (I have a soft spot for it)

7.  The Fly

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Having seen the remake of Friday the 13th, and having been only marginally pleased by it, I thought I would revisit the original series. Here’s my thoughts on some of the original installments, my favorites from the series. Please keep in mind these are just my opinions.

Part I: Okay, here is where I confess: I’ve always found the first one to be a little boring. I’m sorry, that’s just how it is for me. It’s good for what they had to work with, but I think it’s a little bit on the snoozer side. Rail against me all you must.

Part II:  The first sequel has one of the best cinematic shots in the entire series (watch it and guess which one shot I’m talking about). This is also the Friday offering in which Jason kills the guy in the wheelchair, proving that Jason just doesn’t really give a damn who you are; he’s an equal opportunity mass murderer.

Part III: This is just one of my favorites of the entire series. I’ve watched it almost as many times as Part V. Jason gets his mask in this one, forever changing the face of DTM’s. That’s Dead Teenager Movies for those who may not be in the know.

Part IV:  Corey Feldman. If that doesn’t make it an instant classic, what else does? Among my friends, this one seems to be the most popular, and admired, in the franchise. Might be because most of us cut our newfound horror teeth on this one back in the day. It’s good, but, to me, not as good as the next one.

Part V:  This is the best one. I’ve defended my view against several attacks by friends and family. Other than the fact that A New Beginning has the girl with the best…personality, it also boasts atmosphere and an almost Hitchcockian style. I said ‘almost’. From start to finish, this is just a great horror movie.

Part VI: JASON LIVES!   Spread the news. A little belatedly, Jason becomes a supernatural force. This is an enjoyable movie, it has some really good laughs in it. It’s a close second for the best of the series overall.

After Jason Lives, choose to believe it or not, the series got a little silly. Yes, I now, I was shocked too, how did that happen? The New Blood, dubbed “Jason Vs. Carrie”, isn’t a bad movie. But come on, psychic powers? Telekinesis? This is Friday the 13th. Jason Takes Manhattan? Not a very bad entry, but not a very good one either. And don’t get me started on Jason Goes to Hell, okay, don’t, just don’t.

Jason X:  Jason in space? I was a hold out on this one for a long time. I never saw it until a couple of years ago. I mean, it sounds completely ridiculous. But it’s not. It’s actually quite good. Now, if the current remake had been as fun as this one, or one of the others, it would have been money well spent.

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I am a Jason fan. I own the entire series on DVD. I have watched them repeatedly. This new remake, or re-imagining as Hollywood likes to call it these days, falls somewhere in the lower ranks, right in between Jason Takes Manhattan and Jason Goes to Hell (Hell being a complete embarrassment to the series).

There’s no need to give plot details, it’s a Friday the 13th movie: gratuitous nudity and/or sex, and a lot of people get killed.

The women are hot, that’s going to earn it a point right there (hey, it’s a Friday the 13th movie, come on). The blond guy who plays the ass bag who should have been killed before the script was green lit looks a lot like Tom Cruise, and kind of acts like him, too. That gets it half a point. The redneck who loves the mannequin, that gets a half point. So that’s a score of two. And Jason….Well, Jason is back in action, so that’s going to get it another half point. That’s all I’m going to give the big lug.

This new film lacks charm. That old slice and hack charm. I narrowly recommend it to veteran Jason fans; it’s our Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. A nice token, but derivative. The old Jason I love is take-no-prisoner; this new incarnation, well, he does take a prisoner. This 2009 Jason isn’t fresh and new, as the film makers attempted to make him, he’s just another face in the crowd, and all the stabbings and decapitations and bouncing, jiggling, barely legal boobies in the world can’t change it. It doesn’t even have the fun of Freddy Vs. Jason going for it.

The best I can say is, it’s an okay movie.

2.5 out of 5
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This is a good movie. That is an understatement.

Leon Kauffman is a struggling photographer. A gallery owner, played by Brooke Shields, of all people, tells him he’s good, but his subject matter is questionable. Too light, too ordinary; not real enough.

So Leon goes looking for real people to photograph, darker subjects. He finds it in spades.

Mahogany is a serial killer. He rides the subway late into the night and kills unsuspecting commuters. Though some are not so unsuspecting; it’s the big city, they’re cautious, some are armed themselves. Leon begins to piece together the mystery of Mahogany after discovering he photographed one of the victims before she died. His attempts at capturing the killer (on film and otherwise) is a gruesomely thrilling experience.

This is a smart movie, for the most part, and is beautiful to look at–mysterious, vibrant, tempting. There is true brains in all that gore with only one mild misstep. Midnight Meat Train doesn’t kow tow to the audience, and the final destination doesn’t satisfy you, it makes you crave more while leaving you speechless.

5 out of 5

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This is probably the biggest disappointment I’ve seen all year. For fans of the 1951 original, this is bottom dwelling at its big-budget Hollywood best: pretty lights and style, but no substance. If you’ve never seen the original, then this may pass as an adequate Matrix sequel.

Klaatu, as played stiltedly by Keanu Reeves, is sent to Earth by an intergalactic joint commission on life, the universe, and everything, to evaluate us humans as worth saving or expendable for the greater good of the planet. If you have seen the better-than-the-movie trailer, you know already going into it that if we live, the Earth dies, but if we humans die, the Earth lives. Environmental concern is a nice, and topical, update from the Cold War Nuclear Holocaust scare of the original, up to date and topical for its time as well, but nothing is really done to capitalize on such a massive threat. The movie should be big, big, and bigger, but it sits firmly in the middle of the road and feels pretty insular. It’s a lead balloon striving for take-off.

The original was ominous, mysterious, and thrilling. It had heart and soul. This remake is fluffy and baffling, unable to deliver on its big plot. Michael Rennie’s original Klaatu had personality, was engaging and interesting; Reeves has flat affect for the whole show, even when he has his big change of heart. Certainly not all aliens will be this…this…Keanu-like. Sadly, Gort is depressing, though still livelier than Reeves’ Klaatu, but Jennifer Connelly and John Cleese outdo the CGI, giving this film what little heart and soul it does possess.

Yet, somewhere, somehow, in this flawed jumble of a movie, there is a watchable piece of SF entertainment. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something here made me like it better than I expected, and makes me not dislike it as much as I probably should. It’s not the worst film of the year. Just the most disappointing, for me.

My score: 3 out of 5

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