Ahh…vampires. Just a few weeks ago, Chatty Kathy was watching Twilight Saga: New Moon, again; this was right after it came out on DVD. Now, I went to the theater and saw it with her, and I watched it a second time on DVD with her. I asked her that night how many times she had watched it already, and she said maybe four times. That was like three days or so after buying the DVD.
I’m not going to spill my haterade all over Twilight Saga right here. I’ve not read the books, I have no desire to read them. Chatty Kathy has offered to let me read her copies, but I have so far declined. It’s true, I might could read them and come to think, much as most every teen girl and red hot mama has come to think, that they are the best books ever written in the history of the universe. But I still have no desire to pick them up and crack the pages. I will, however, watch the movies. I thought the first movie was a little less than average, the second one was a little better than average, and just as soon as I see the third this June, I’ll let you all know what I think of it too. Yes, I will be going to see Twilight Saga: Eclipse in the theater, most likely on opening day; Chatty Kathy has not only planned this, but she probably already has tickets, I don’t know. What I’m getting at is this: As much as I don’t get the phenomenon of Twilight, it is interesting. Maybe the vampires planned it that way.
Vampires are one of the most versatile groups of creatures in the cannon of things that go bump in the night. They can be ugly, they can be sexy, attractive. They can be heroes, or they can be villains. A dream come true, or a living nightmare. But they have a quality about them that keeps our attraction. Maybe it’s that some of them seem so tortured and pained at their very existence. Maybe it’s our jealously at their immortality. Or maybe we just like the naughty stuff. We all like the seedier side, don’t deny it. Vampires tend to be dark, mysterious, one night stands. And we all, at some point, walk away from a one night stand with something we can’t shake. I’m not sure which would be better, coming down with a bad case of vampirism or a persistent rash that won’t go away.
It’s no wonder that vampires seem to be the most popular of monsters. Werewolf and zombie romances just seem wrong. Really wrong and really illegal. Vampires are undead (most of the time anyway), like zombies (sort of), but they are a different kind of living dead, classified as sexy undead and when you’re sexy undead you can get away with the more taboo aspects of living/dead relationships. Even as a walking corpse, it pays to be good looking. Plus, werewolves would just try to tear you apart, so forget about trying to cuddle, and zombies…well, just let me say I don’t think plastic surgery or Viagra can fix decay and rot.
When it comes to sexy vampires, I, personally, don’t count Bela Lugosi’s Dracula. But that’s just me. He ain’t no rat toothed Max Schreck of Nosferatu fame, mind you, but when it comes to sexy blood suckers, my money is on Kate Beckinsale’s Selene of Underworld. Maybe I am biased since I’m a man. I do think, however, Gary Oldman made a better Dracula than Lugosi. Feel free to hate me. For a little kink (and comedy) check out The Lair of the White Worm- Amanda Donohoe rocks!
But not all vampires are oh so sleek, sexy, and alluring enough to make you smack your own momma down. Look at the super baddie from Blade II, which is the best Blade of the series and one of the great vampire movies ever. Too bad Blade Trinity went the way of the dodo; a fan would think Blade vs. Dracula would be the fight to end all fights…sadly, no. And when it comes to love, genuine love, skip the Twilight flicks, or just leave them to the teen set, and experience Let the Right One In. Once more it’s just my opinion, but I think it may be the best vampire movie since Murnau’s original Nosferatu. Let the Right One In is beautiful and moving and not for the average viewer; yeah, it’s about two twelve year old children (one of whom is a vampire), but it’s a grown up love story about real emotions. If a lot of other movies could be even a quarter as compelling and thought provoking as Let…, it would revolutionize the horror film industry.
Our beloved creatures of the night have had a rich, deep, bloody history. Everyone, I speculate, has heard of Vlad Tepes and Elisabeth Bathory, two of Bram Stoker’s inspirations for Count Dracula. Vlad the Impaler and the Blood Countess. He, uh, as the moniker implies, liked to impale people- not just his enemies,but his friends and countrymen alike. And Bathory, though never actually tried and convicted, was rumored to have murdered, by some accounts, upwards of 600 women and girls. Though never really authenticated, it is said Countess Bathory liked to bathe in her victims blood to keep herself young.
Wherever your interests may lie, in the vamps, the nasties, or actual nosferatus, find a place to sink your teeth in. Trust me, you’ll want to stay awhile.